i have been thinking about how serious i am. i have the feeling that people think of me as this person who doesnt like to have fun. this boring, serious person. i can't take jokes because i am too serious. smile janet, why are you so serious? this completely frustrates me because i felt like i have been told this my entire life. this seriousness that pushes people away from me. i know i am not always "serious" but there are times that i am serious that maybe i shouldnt be? maybe too sensitive? maybe too shy? maybe a mixture of all of the above.

all this gets me so frustrated. i do have a tendency to overanalyze everything. thats what i like to do. analyze. i like to look into things and dig deeper. thats why i like art history. i get to overanalyze a painting and write 6 pages about it. why cant i keep that apart from my personal life? why cant i just take things as they go?

i just want to be happy. i just want to live my life and stop thinking. thinking about all of this.

time to listen to sad chinese music, half of which i dont understand except for the chorus. because that is supposed to help me feel better, but then it doesnt really. better than the stuff on the radio today. that stuff is such trash. although i am a little ashamed to admit that stupid pussycat dolls song "don't cha" is somewhat catchy. and that jojo song "it's just a little too late" damn that shit is catchy. you know what song is so shitty i dont even know why its popular? justin timberlake's sexyback. it doesnt even make any sense. i apparently need a better radio station.

i just realized how ADD/bipolar this post was.